Dealing With Loss and Grief: Be Good To Yourself While You Heal

Everyone processes grief and loss differently. There are no guides that will tell you exactly what to do. The experience is totally subjective. Advice, on the other hand - well, there’s plenty of that. "Be good to yourself" isn’t just advice for when you’re healing - it’s something you might apply to your whole life.

The modern day and age is busy. People have a tendency to judge their own lives based on what they’re accomplishing. Have I earned enough money? Do I have enough things? Have I meditated today? Am I eating a balanced diet? Here’s the thing - any one of these concerns can be totally balanced, but only if you remember what they serve. They serve you. Your experience - completely unique, unlike anything else in the world. That’s one of the reasons death is so hard. Someone great is gone, someone unlike anyone else who ever was or ever will be.

Be easy with yourself. Breathe. There are so many things you might want to do. You might not want to cry while giving a eulogy, and find that you do. That’s okay. You might want to go to family events but find yourself without the energy. That’s okay. You might have appointments booked with therapists, banks, or any other number of people. You might miss those appointments. That’s okay. Be easy with yourself.

All of these things, when you add them up, are here to serve people. You are a person - a person who is going through grief and loss. Society is here for you. We can’t take your burden from you, but we can help you carry it. When things aren’t working out perfectly, forgive yourself. Others will forgive you, too. Those who don’t may be sorely lacking in empathy, or struggling themselves - try to forgive them, as you forgive yourself. And if you can’t forgive them, try to forgive yourself for that, too.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t try to make things right if you’ve made mistakes. You’ve surely forgiven friends and family for errors; in turn, they make efforts to correct those errors. Miss an appointment? Forgive yourself, call and reschedule. Forgot to meditate? Forgive yourself, then do a deep breathing exercise. Haven’t been eating well? Forgive yourself, then pick up the ingredients for a home-cooked meal. Strive to do better, but be easy with yourself. A need for more creature comforts and less stress is understandable - grief and loss can be incredibly stressful.

You may find that you’re having a hard time being easy with yourself, or that you’re having a hard time getting back to normal. Forgive yourself for those things, too. There are resources available for people who are grieving. Access them if you need help. Our local Winnipeg funeral home is here to help, too. You can call us, and we can help you find even more resources to ease the burden of grief.